Rants of a Hell Hound
by TheShock
Summary: What happens when a Hell Hound suddenly decides to write down a few of his thoughts? [One-shot.]


**This is what happens when Might and Magic meets... my sense of humor.**  
 **The Hell Hound is a unit from the Inferno faction, and I thought I could give this particular dog...**

 **...A voice of his own.**

 **I hope you'll enjoy it, and this is meant as an off-challenge entry.**

* * *

 **RANTS OF A HELL HOUND  
**

Each new day in the infernal grounds is pretty much the same - we eat, we train, we jump through hoops of fire - though the latter makes me seriously pissed. I mean, seriously? Ugh, hello, we're not hired clowns to entertain your full egos!

...I was shocked to hear the other day that Veyer wanted to recruit me and some of my buddies for the next battle. Of course, most of my buddies just went along and hoped that they'll come back - I just hope they won't use their Gating powers - while I was content to laze around and wait for the real leader to pick up some Hell Hounds for the job.

I can't wait for the day I'll become a Cerberus - being superior will definitely pay off in the future - but that can be obtained only by a fighting contest, where only the strongest survives.  
I would love participating in one of those fighting contests, if they weren't hosted by the worst master in the history of Sheogh.

...The Sovereign.

Don't get me wrong, guy is pretty tough and able, but he totally lacks any sense of humor. And I also heard Agrael wants to challenge him - if he becomes the next Sovereign, Sheogh would become stronger - now that's an apt leader I'm proud of. Still, I don't deny that being in battle with him makes us all Hell Hounds powerful and much more obedient - though I'm more on the rebellious side, and Agrael must've noticed it, because he pet me the other day.

Oh damn, it's time to get some rest.  
I'll write something more in the morning - because I'm not even done with the 'Top Three Worst Demon Lords Ever!'

And on top of it, I don't want to let anyone know I can actually read and write...  
They'd probably freak out if they saw me writing.

Or heard me speaking, because all they can produce are low, menacing growls as they occasionally drag those long chains after them.

Ugh, their screeches are driving me insane.

...

Last night I wrote about that top three, right?  
Well, the first on that list is the Sovereign - but I'll keep the badmouthing to a minimum, so he doesn't figure out I'm actually smarter than the others.  
And speaking of the others...

...I think they just like overusing their Gating powers. They summoned my tail on the battlefield at least thrice this week. Just, give me a break, I hate being under inferior leaders - well, except for Grawl and Agrael.

Man, these two have earned their places in my Top Three Pro Leaders, with Agrael on the first place and Grawl on the second (but don't tell him I wrote that, he'd be mad), but, hey, Grawl is really nice to us Hell Hounds. He spends a few nights sleeping with us in the kennels, so yeah, definitely earned my respect.

I really got side-tracked here, didn't I?  
Well, the second leader I absolutely hate is Biara, the Succubus.  
She's constantly yelling at us like we're just a bunch of slaves and we have to attack at all costs. She even whips us, which makes my skin hurt, as if it wasn't enough that I drag this stupid chain with me.  
She seems to favor a lot of Succubi, instead of Hounds, and we're just cannon fodder for her in battle - many of my friends had a lot of scars and when they became Cerberi, they looked even worse.

...Sometimes I wish Grawl would tie her to a burning pyre.

...

Today, the Sovereign promised us all a very nice show.  
But I didn't expect it to be a fighting between low-ranked and high-ranked demons...

...is he that addicted to bloodshed?

Uh, I may be an infernal dog, but even I get tired of killing stuff around - or that's what I thought when I saw Agrael picking me up by the chain and throwing me into the ring.

And then I thought, as I dragged that stupid chain, _buddy, you just dropped a rank lower in my top three leaders._ He looked like he enjoyed himself too; maybe he's going by the Sovereign's whims?

...Because I saw him placing bets on us.  
Not to mention, later on he kissed with that stupid succubus witch, Biara.  
That guy is totally lost, to me, at least.

...

Agrael asked us to come down, but I refused.  
He again asked us to come down, and again I refused.

He then looked to me with his weird, yellow eyes, and asked me... _"Why don't you want me to help overthrow the Sovereign?"_

And I said, _"Well, maybe because you're not honest with yourself, y' know? Look, I don't pretend to know a lot of stuff...but you look like you need someone else."_

He then dragged me down, and asked me to keep my muzzle shut.  
Maybe he isn't as stupid as I thought before.

...

Agrael betrayed us...  
He became an elf, by the Sovereign's information...

...brought by Veyer, who hated the guy with all that he had, and I have to admit, the Sovereign did make that big oaf land flat-faced when he said that he won't empty the hells for him. I still don't know what happened to Biara, but who knows...

...maybe she's acting out on the Sovereign's orders?  
Not to mention she started clinging to him worse than an Imp, and ugh, those guys are annoying and stink! At least I groom myself twice a day to make sure I'm quite clean and ready for battle.

...I haven't heard anything of Grawl.  
I hope he's okay.


End file.
